I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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