i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
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