I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Randomize
