Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
