i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
