i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
