i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
he high fived his dick after we had sex
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
