Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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