it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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