he thought i was a dude.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
