I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
