I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize