I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
