I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
