my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
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