I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
