I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
