He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
