you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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