the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
