The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
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