Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
