last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
