I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Barsexuality is the new black.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize