he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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