I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
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