Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Randomize