It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
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