fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
