I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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