the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
