I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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