Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Randomize
