saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
false alarm, still single
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
