Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Randomize
