I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Randomize
