My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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