The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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