are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
did i walk over a car last night?
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
