dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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