when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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