There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
