Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
