If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I looked at my own cervix.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
