well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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