It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
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