This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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