You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
