my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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