I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
this is an emotional support booty call
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize