It's like God shit irony all over that family
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
