just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
