I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
