Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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