He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
