I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Randomize