i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
and you fell through a lawn chair
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
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