no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
