She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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