Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
only you would photoshop your dick
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
