just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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