You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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