i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
