I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I cut my penus on the lid.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
