if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
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