this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Randomize
