You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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