I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
