I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
