The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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